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• Well I looked at my watch and it said a quarter to five, The headline screamed that I was still alive, I couldn't understand it, I thought I died last night.
  I dreamed I'd been in a border town, In a little cantina that the boys had found, I was desperate to dance, just to dig the local sounds....
• Bad Cow Jokes: Terry Bull
• The sky was dark, the moon was high All alone just she and I Her hair was sof
  her eyes were blue I knew just what she wanted to do Her skin so soft, her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine I didn't know how but I tried my best I started by placing my hands on her breast I remember my fear, my fast beating heart But slowly she spread her legs apart And when I did it I felt no shame All at once - the white stuff came At last it's finished, it's all over now My first time ever at milking a cow....
• I just tested out my pit bull. Ever heard a mime scream?
• When you're dating you're so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me.
  I told her about it. I said, "Remember when your grandma died?...
• Krusty: I won't be coming back, kids. I got a sweet life here.
  The sea air is cleaning my lungs. The sun is toasting my pale skin a healthy brown, and most important, I learned that I don't need money to be happy....
• I don't think it's fair to call people middle-aged just because they're not so young anymore.
  -- Syd Hoff...
• My wife doesn't give me any trouble anymore. She died.
  I had her cremated. I mixed in a little marijuana and smoked her....
• The soldier came knocking upon the queen's door He said, "I am not fighting for you anymore" The queen knew she had seen his face someplace before And slowly she let him inside.
  He said, "I see you now, and you're so very young But I've seen more battles lost than I have battles won And I have this intuition that it's all for your fun And now will you tell me why?...