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• Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder.
  Harpo my boy," he said, "I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember....
• When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving.
  He said it was elevator practice. -- Steven Wrigh...
• My Little Chickadee Let me give you one word of advice
  ever give a sucker an even break. --W.C. Field...
• I used to call [Count Basie] one of my lawyers. He would give me such beautiful advice.
  And he would phrase that advice into these little sayings....
• My grandfather told me that there are no free rides in this world.
  This is why I do not take federal grants of funding for Westside Preparatory School....
• The best advice I've ever received? How about the strangest?
  When I was thirteen, my father took me aside and told me that all a girl needed to know to get by in life was written on the top of a mayonnaise jar....
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....
• When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
  -- Josh Billing...
• The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys.
  But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it....