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• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose.
  Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly]....
• My house is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street, except the little kids, I go out and lift my house up over my head.
  I tell them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them. -- Steven Wrigh...
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  .. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out... -- Stephen Wrigh...
• Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
  (To his housekeeper, who urged him to tell her his last words so she could write them down for posterity....
• My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain.
  When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. -- Steven Wrigh...
• FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
  #16 Relationships: First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship -- he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were doing it on a semi-regular basis"....