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• A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent .
  .. Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it....
• My mother once said to me, "Elwood," (she always called me Elwood) "Elwood, in this world you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.
  For years I tried smart. I recommend pleasant. -- Elwood P. Dowde, "Harvey...
• My Playtex living bra died--of starvation! I've turned many a head in my day, and a few stomachs.
  I never made Who's Who but I'm featured in What's That!...
• My youngest child is the funniest one of the group.
  I had just finished eating and my stomach was swollen from the food that went in it....
• aga n. [WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken people.
  Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L....
• My first psychiatrist said I was paranoid, but I want a second opinion because I think he's out to get me.
  -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")...
• Abe: [narrating] The story of the Simpson family began in the Old Country.
  I forget which one exactly. My dad would drone on and on about America....
• When I 'm not thank'd at all, I 'm thank'd enough; I 've done my duty, and I 've done no more.
  -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754) -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 3...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...