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• I was a war baby. My parents took a look at me and started fighting.
• Sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes the shaft.
• Spam: the sound a pig makes hitting the bottom of the elevator shaft.
• It took my cat a month to fully train me.
• This morning I abused my electric toaster. Tonight the elevator held me hostage in revenge.
  -- Woody Alle...
• A wino asked me for change. I gave him my shirt...
• The good Lord gave me my money. -- J.D. Rockefeller, Sr. (1839-1937)
• NEWSFLASH!! Rodney Fenster looked up the shaft of elevator number four at 1700 N.
  17th St. this morning to see if the elevator was on its way down. It was. Age 31....
• When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving.
  He said it was elevator practice. -- Steven Wrigh...