Related:

• My youngest daughter just had her first birthday. We bought her a card with one of those "I am 1" badges.
  One the back was the disclaimer: "Not suitable for children under three years old...
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  .. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out... -- Stephen Wrigh...
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I want Kirstie Alley for my Birthday!
• Bart: Heh, nudist colonies are everywhere these days.
  I'd love to go, but I... [stares at the card] can't get the wrinkles out of my birthday suit....
• It's my birthday today! Hooray.
• Lisa: Oh, Mom, please? You can make this my birthday *and* Christmas presents.
  Marge: You already used up your birthday and Christmas presents on that peach tree we got you....
• When I got to America, I saw an ad in the paper: "We guarantee our furniture and stand behind it for six months.
  That's why I left the Soviet Union. I don't want any people standing behind my furniture!...