Related:

• I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house.
  And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to. -- Yakov Smirnoff...
• Africa is God's country, and he can have it. Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 2.
  After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat, we finally arrived on the shores of Africa....
• There is no such thing as an independent press in America.
  I am paid for keeping my honest opinions out of the paper I am connected with....
• While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom.
  They put it in _exactly_ the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said...
• While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom.
  They put it in EXACTLY the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said...
• McCoy: "Damn it, Jim, what the hell's the matter with you?
  Other people have birthdays, why are we treating yours like a funeral?...
• I visited an American supermarket. They have so many amazing products here.
  Like powder milk. You add water and you get milk....
• No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture! -- Sherlock Holme