Related:

• Lisa: Dad, Mom said she'd be home to help me with my costume and she's not, and the geography pageant is tonight!
  Homer: Lisa, your mom still loves you. It's just that she has a career now....
• When my Dad came home last night, my mom fainted.
• Homer: So I said to him, "Look, buddy, your car was upside down when we got here.
  And as for your Grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that!...
• What will we do when they come?" "See if we can sell Mom and Dad into slavery for a star cruiser.
  -- CALVIN AND HOBBES...
• Ferrets are like mom's, always nosing about your room!
• Lisa: Hi, Mom. Marge: Lisa! Hello. How are you doing in England?
  Remember, an elevator is called a "lift", a mile is called a "kilometer", and botulism is called "steak and kidney pie"....
• Lisa: My dad is very sick. What's going to happen if he dies?
  Albright: Well, if he's been good, he'll go to heaven....
• You wouldn't want to meet the person of your dreams in a bar.
  'Cause when you get married and your little boy says, "Dad, what was it like when you first met Mom?...
• Marge: Kids, your father and I are going through a really tough time right now, and I don't know what's going to happen.
  But just remember both your Mom and your Dad love you very, very much....