Related:

• I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Blow ye winds / Like the trumpet blows; / But without that noise. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
• I'd rather be rich than stupid. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
• In some places it's known as a tornado. In others, a cyclone.
  And in still others, the Idiot's Merry-go-round. But around here they'll always be known as screw-boys....
• I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If I ever get real rich, I hoe I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...