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• She saw a sign saying, "Wet Floor." So she did! -- Joan Rive
• Two is company. Three is fifty bucks. -- Joan Rive
• Never let a panty line show around your ankles. -- Joan Rive
• I smoked pot at a drive-in movie theater. But the screen was this tiny.
  It was itsy-bitsy thumb and forefinger tiny. Till I realized I was so stoned I'd backed in and I was watching it from my rearview mirror....
• There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS in a $
  200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! -- Zippy the Pinhead...
• Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
  -- Joan Rive...
• A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
  -- Joan Rive...
• An immense mirror is hanging against one wall, and stretches to the other end of the room, where various other sundry objects can be glimpsed dimly in the distance.