Related:

• SCHEMA What you call a diagram when it gets too complicated and impressive to be called a diagram.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA...
• QWERTY Type of keyboard designed to slow the typist down and confuse people who are learning to type.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA...
• NEIGHBOUR One of those people you occasionally smile at when walking down the stree
  but rarely develop such a bond with that they are concerned when your burglar alarm goes off when you're on holiday....
• TELEMARKETING The practice of ringing you up when you're on the toilet just to ask you what you think about council merge
  would you like to donate to charity X, or would you like to get Call Waiting put on your phone....
• COMPUTER An electronic device designed to make you rip your hair out.
  The principles of a computer are very simple. You give the computer some data as input, it messes, mixes, scrambles and screws up the data until it is nonsensical and unrecognisable, and then it spits it out the other end as output....
• ICE What water becomes if you freeze it. (See "gas", "Celsius") The main uses of ice are to cool down drinks with, place down people's backs, and economical housing for Eskimos.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA...
• SCEPTIC TANK A new type of plumbing device. Once you flush, it looks at the situation and says "gee, I dunno guv, I'm not sure I can get that big turd down the S bend.
  Just that little too big, know what I mean? Looks very dodgy to me....
• VENTRILOQUIST Someone whose antics you get sick of after just a few minutes, and want to throw a bucket of water over just to see their dummy make blubbering noises.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA...