Related:

• I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
  -- Dick Gregory...
• For a black man, there's no difference between the North and the South.
  In the South they don't mind how close I get so long as I don't get too big...
• Funny, I just knew you were going to say that.
• Legalize telepathy. - I knew you were going to say that.
• When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me eighty-five dollars.
  That's why in the Navy the captain goes down with the ship. -- Dick Gregory...
• I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money.
  -- Arthur Godfrey...