Related:

• They say I married my wife because her uncle left her a whole lot of money.
  That's not true. I would've married her no matter who left her the money....
• I had been told I was on the road to hell, but I had no idea it was just a mile down the road with a dome on it.
  -- Abraham Lincol...
• If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? -- Spanky (Steve McFarlin)
• I got arrested for going 14400 in a 2400 zone!
• My friend tried to tell me that I had dyslexia, but I'm convinced he has it all backwards.
• You tell 'em Church Bell, I told you.
• I had a boyfriend like that once...
• I had a girlfriend like that once...
• Physical fitness is in. I recently had a physical fit myself. -- Steve Alle