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• I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'.
  There was another sign below it that said 'self service'....
• I saw a sign at a gas station. It said "help wanted".
  There was another sign below it that said "self service"....
• So I said to myself, "Self," I said...
• I already have a hundred gifts to distribute at Christmas--my Christmas seals have arrived .
  .. I wanted our street to have the prettiest Christmas decorations in the neighborhood, so I strung colored balls from house to house all the way down the block....
• I made quite a name for myself back home. I left when I found out what it was. -- Herb Shrine
• I took the vacation I wanted all my life. I packed Alice and the kids and all the luggage in our station wagon and headed it right straight to Canada.
  Then I went to Las Vegas and had a ball. -- George Gobel...
• I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.
  -- Dave Barry...
• I was driving down the street at 100 miles per hour for no reason.
  The police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Why were you going so fast?...
• I searched into myself. -- Heraclitu