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• I would much prefer antiques if they were not so darned old.
• If I had two loaves of bread, I would sell one and buy hyacinths, for they would feed my soul.
  -- The Kora...
• I began many years ago, as so many young men do, in searching for the perfect woman.
  I believed that if I looked long enough, and hard enough, I would find her and then I would be secure for life....
• If you were my husband, I would feed you poison. If you were my wife, madam, I would take it!
  -- Lady Astor and William Churchill...
• aga n. [WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken people.
  Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L....
• As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master.
  This expresses my idea of democracy. Anything that differs from this, to the extent that it differs, is no democracy....
• I asked my doctor if I should have a vasectomy. He said leave a sleeping dog lie.
  The last time I had sex my self-winding watch stopped. -- Lenny Rush...
• I went to a bookstore and I asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was.
  She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." -- Brian Kiley...
• Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team
  he said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her right cheek....