Related:

• Grandma: Homer, you grew up so handsome. Homer: Some people say I look like Dan Aykroyd.
  I can't believe you're here! Dad always told me you died while I was at the movies....
• aga n. [WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken people.
  Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L....
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• There is many a boy here today who looks on war as all glory, but, boys, it is all hell.
  You can bear this warning voice to generations yet to come....
• Homer: Hey Princess! It's me! The guy from the snap shot!
  Kashmir: [not very enthusiastically] Oh, hi. Home...
• Marge: Sting, you look tired. Maybe you should take a rest.
  Sting: Not while one of my fans needs me. Marge: Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard Bart play one of your albums....
• My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life.
  I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. -- Milton Berlele...
• My only books Were woman's looks,-- And folly 's all they 've taught me.
  -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852) -- The Time I 've lost in wooing...
• HAGGIS A Scottish dish made of the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep, chopped up with suet, onions, oatmeal etc, seasoned and boiled in a sheep's stomach-bag or substitute.
  I think I'm going to be sick. Have you ever considered the argument that vomit is a lifeform in itself, subject to the same foibles as the rest of lifekind?...