Related:

• Too bad there's not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you'd probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person.
  Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark....
• Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?
  ! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Whenever anybody says he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.
  Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handey, "Deep Though...
• I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures.
  They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur....
• When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight.
  You have to allow the head to breathe. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...