Related:

• During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying.
  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did....
• Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?
  ! -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off.
  You see, we BUILD to that. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests?
  Just a big bag of blood. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you'd be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...