Related:

• A reporter is pestering her at a party. R: "have you ever had your ears pierced" DP
  No, but I've often had them bored...
• The devout Jew was beside himself because his son had been dating a shiksa, so he went to visit his rabbi.
  The rabbi listened solemnly to his problem, took his hand, and said, "Pray to God....
• A young married couple had their first child. Their original pride and joy slowly turned to concern however, for after a couple of years the child had never uttered any form of speech.
  They hired the best speech therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, all to no avail....
• Much to his Mum and Dad's dismay, Horace ate himself one day.
  He didn't stop to say his grace, he just sat down and ate his face....
• Abe: And just feast your ears on this tantalizing testimonial from my own flesh and blood, the son that puts the fun in Simpson & Son, my son, Barney!
  Barney: [walks out from behind a curtain] I used to be a fat, disgusting slob....
• Savoir-faire: The ability to smile when you discover that your girl and your best friend are both missing from the dance floor.
  -- "Laughs Unlimited...
• There once was a king who ruled his country long, wisely, and well.
  The king had a son whom he hoped would someday rule the land....
• Wiggum: Son, you wait here while Daddy tries to talk some sense into this raving derelict.
  [the man raves as Wiggum walks up] Wiggum...
• There once was a king who ruled his country long, wisely, and well.
  The king had a son whom he hoped would someday rule the land....