Related:

• When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if i'm leaving.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• Homer: I think Lisa needs another push on her new tire swing!
  Lisa: No, Dad, I want to get down. This tire is filthy and the steel belts are poking me....
• Patty: {Hey, Krabappel: if you get in the way of that bouquet, I'll stuff that sunhat down your neck.
  } Burns: [being wheeled in] Smithers, take me home!...
• Get your grubby hands off my tagline! I stole it first!
• Now it's time to say goodbye. Please get off my property until next year.
  I suggest you don't dawdle, the hounds will be released in ten minutes....
• Heat, ma'am!" I said; "it was so dreadful here, that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.
  -- Sydney Smith (1769-1845) -- Lady Holland's Memoir, Vol. i, p. 267...
• My wife ran off with my best friend, and I miss him" -- Stupid country song titles #12