Related:

• Emo Phillips was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving.
  When brought before the judge, Emo was asked if he knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was....
• I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky---but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
  -- Emo Phillip...
• Ned: We did it! We got rid of -- [siren wail
  Ned is pulled over] Ned: I told you, officer, I'm not "hepped up on Goofballs....
• aga n. [WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken people.
  Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L....
• Homer: Woo hoo! We won! We won! [Homer, Apu, and Moe dance while the kid gets the trophy from the case] [Homer holds it, but Burns takes it] Bu
  You mean, _I_ won. Apu: But we were a team, Sir....
• A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
  -- Emo Phillip...
• I was hitchhiking the other day and this car trailer pulled up and offered me a ride.
  He said that there was no room in the cab, but I could climb into one of the cars in the back....
• Brockman: ... means death for us all. And now, "Kent's People!
  Tonight's inspiring story is about Frank Grimes, a thirty- five-year-old Springfieldite who has earned everything the hard way, but never let adversity get him down....
• Fred noticed his roommate had a black eye upon returning from a dance.
  "What happened?" "I was struck by the beauty of the place....