Related:

• I went out with this girl who was really fat. Did you ever hear the expression "as big as a house"?
  She was wearing aluminum siding. She had two pictures....
• During the Depression era my mother found out how to save money.
  She used to cheat bus drivers. She got on a bus with a transfer a day old....
• Buying cigarettes becomes an interview now. I said to the salesgirl in back of the counter, "I'd like a carton of cigarettes.
  She said, "There are so many brands, what would you like?...
• When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise.
  She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder....
• Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother--she looks like my father. -- Tony Randall
• I hate blind dates, but a friend says he could set me up, so I said, "Okay.
  But you should have seen this girl. It was like she hadn't taken a bath in a month....
• I was engaged to a contortionist... she broke it off.
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• Nobert Weiner was the subject of many dotty professor stories.
  Weiner was, in fact, very absent minded. The following story is told about him...