Related:

• The other day, I was walking my dog around my building.
  .. on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights....
• The other day, I was walking my dog around my building.
  ..on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights....
• Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.
  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me....
• They told me it would disrupt my life less if I got killed sooner. -- Joseph Helle
• Data: "Timothy, androids do not lie." Timothy: "It was.
  ..me." Data: "Please explain." Timothy: "It was me....
• Latin is a language, As dead as can be. First it killed the Romans, And now it's killing me.
• Lisa: Hey, Bart. How's your arm? Bart: It's all right.
  I was hoping they'd give me one of those steel claws, but what are you gonna do....
• I hold your hand in mine, dear, I press it to my lip
  I take a healthy bite from your dainty fingertips, My joy would be complete, dear, if you were only here, But still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir....
• Chanukkah vs. Christmas: fewer presents, more chocolate, fewer relatives all on the same day.
  Sounds like a win to me....