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• In the old days you didn't ask their sexual history, you'd just say, "Are you a mammal?
  Now you take her home and you say, "Where do I set up the lab?" -- John Riggi...
• Cauterize: Made eye contact with her...
• Well I looked at my watch and it said a quarter to five, The headline screamed that I was still alive, I couldn't understand it, I thought I died last night.
  I dreamed I'd been in a border town, In a little cantina that the boys had found, I was desperate to dance, just to dig the local sounds....
• I had a virgin once. I had to go to Guatemala for her.
  She was blind in one eye, and she had a stuffed alligator that said, "Welcome to Miami Beach....
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Steven Wrigh...
• Late last night I slew my wife, Stretched her on the parquet flooring
  I was loath to take her life, But I had to stop her snoring! -- Harry Graham...
• I have just learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
  First, let her think she's having her way. And second, let her have it. -- Lyndon B. Johnso...
• Once at a dinner party when he was a young man, Winston Churchill, who at the time had a moustache, was seated next to an older woman.
  She said to him, "Young man, I care neither for your politics nor for your moustache....