Related:

• Dear Ms. Postnews: I couldn't get mail through to somebody on another site.
  What should I do? -- Eager Beaver Dear Eage...
• The third week of vacation is far more enjoyable, if your wife thinks you only had a two week vacation.
• When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, "No speaka English.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If I could read your mind, love, What a tale your thoughts could tell
  Just like a paperback novel, The kind the drugstore sells, When you reach the part where the heartaches come, The hero would be me, Heroes often fail, You won't read that book again, because the ending is just too hard to take....
• This is my chosen fast: to loosen all the bonds that bind men unfairly, to let the oppressed go free, to break every yoke.
  Share your bread with the hungry, take the homeless into your home....
• Did you ever have one of those nights where you didn't want to go out .
  .. but your hair looked too good to stay home? -- Jack Simmo...
• Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground.
  You pull and you pull, but you can't get the rock out of the ground....
• When the weight of the world has got you down and you want to end your life.
  Bills to pay, a dead-end job, and problems with the wife....
• If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.