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• Therefore, knowing that you are merely human, do not assign yourself merit.
• Gozer the Gozerian: As the duly appointed representative of the city
  county and state of New York, I hereby order you to cease all supernatural activities at once and proceed immediately to your place of origin or the nearest parallel dimension, whichever is nearest....
• I hereby declare this day to be Snow Day, the funnest day in the history of Springfield!
  -- Diamond Joe Quimby, "Bart Gets an F...
• Quote #502 In keeping with my non-Aristotelian or relativist-Existentialist bias, I do not classify ideas as simply "true" or "false.
  I prefer to assign them probabilities, on a scale from 0 (the Aristotelian "false") to 10 (the Aristotelian "true")....
• Cornuelle's Law: Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
• Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them. -- CORNUELLE'S LAW
• I hereby sentence you to live in Blythe, California in a house with an airpad cooler, until you are dead, or wish you were.
  -- From HONKEYTONK SUE...
• I hereby declare today to be Marge Simpson Day in the city of Springfield!
  -- Mayor Quimby goes after the chick vote, "Homer Alone...