Related:

• I gave her the ring; she gave me the finger.
• Lawyer: Krusty, have you _ever_ seen this so-called animation genius before?
  Krusty: Yes I have. Lawyer: [surprised] You have?...
• Grampa: I thought I recognized you. I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop.
  And you never did it. Chester: Those corn muffins were lousy....
• I gave my cat a bath the other day ... they love it.
  He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that ....
• The departing division general manager met a last time with his young successor and gave him three envelopes.
  My predecessor did this for me, and I'll pass the tradition along to you," he said....
• A wino asked me for change. I gave him my shirt...
• I did cancel one performance in Holland where they thought my music was so easy that they didn't rehearse at all.
  And so the first time when I found that out, I rehearsed the orchestra myself in front of the audience of 3,000 people and the next day I rehearsed through the second movement -- this was the piece _Cheap Imitation_ -- and they then were ashamed....
• My boy is mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias.
  Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back....
• Casey came home from seeing the doctor looking very worried.
  His wife said, "What's the problem?" He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life....