Jon Splatz's Movie Review: "Lord of the Pings"
I've never walked out on a movie before. When I pay $9.50 to see a movie
(plus $16.50 for snacks), I'm going to sit through every single minute no
matter how awful. The resolve to get my money's worth allowed me to watch
Jar Jar Binks without even flinching last year.
But I couldn't make it through "Lord of the Pings". This movie contains a
scene that is so appalling, so despicable, so vile, so terrible, so
crappy, and so gut-wrenching that I simply had to get up, run out of the
theater, and puke in the nearest restroom. It was just that bad.
The whole thing is completely ruined by a scene that takes place only 52
seconds into the flick. Brace yourself: big letters appear on screen that
say "An AOL/Time Warner Production".
...
Because this film is brought to you by the letters A-O-L-T-W, I must give
it an F-minus even though I've only seen 53 seconds of it.
I've never walked out on a movie before. When I pay $9.50 to see a movie
(plus $16.50 for snacks), I'm going to sit through every single minute no
matter how awful. The resolve to get my money's worth allowed me to watch
Jar Jar Binks without even flinching last year.
But I couldn't make it through "Lord of the Pings". This movie contains a
scene that is so appalling, so despicable, so vile, so terrible, so
crappy, and so gut-wrenching that I simply had to get up, run out of the
theater, and puke in the nearest restroom. It was just that bad.
The whole thing is completely ruined by a scene that takes place only 52
seconds into the flick. Brace yourself: big letters appear on screen that
say "An AOL/Time Warner Production".
...
Because this film is brought to you by the letters A-O-L-T-W, I must give
it an F-minus even though I've only seen 53 seconds of it.
Related:
- Director: OK, listen up, everybody: this is the hardest, most expensive
scene in the movie, and we only get one shot at it, so we
_have_ to do it right.
Fallout Boy will untie Radioactive Man and pull him to safety moments before he's hit with a forty-foot wall of sulfuric acid that will horribly burn everything in its path.... - Joey: All right. [gets up]
Monica: [stopping him] No!
Joey, we swore we'd never tell! Chandler: [running over and joining Monica] They'll never understand!... - Dear Ms. Postnews:
I couldn't get mail through to somebody on another site.
What should I do? -- Eager Beaver Dear Eage... - I got tired of listening to the recording on the phone at the movie
theater.
So I bought the album. I got kicked out of a theater the other day for bringing my own food in.... - Announcer: We now return to the 1971 film, "Good-Time Slim, Uncle
Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out", starring Troy
McClure.
[a multicolored VW bug is chased by police] Ma... - aga n.
[WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N
random broken people.
Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L.... - Bart: Wow, you really got it made now, Milhouse. This is living!
Milhouse: [in a costume] Is it, Bart? Is it really?... - The only time in our lives we like to get old is when we're kids.
If you're less than 10 years old you're so excited about aging you think in fractio... - Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness,
feel the slippery finish.
Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
