I didn't get a toy train like the other kids, I got a toy subway instead;

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• I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead.
  You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd...
• When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy,
  "Do you have any toy train schedules?" -- Steven...
• I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose.
  Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it [moving...
• I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople.
  They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you...
• You know that feeling you get when you are tipping your chair back and you almost go crashing back on the floor but you just catch yourself?
  I feel like that all the time. -- Stephen...
• I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank.
  I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see...
• Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up,
  and smile for a satellite picture. -- Stephen...
• I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one -
  it wasn't doing what I was doing. -- Stephen...
• I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose.
  Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving...