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• It`s not how hard it rains but how fast you drive.
• Beer is Better: You can't get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat.
• RULES AT WORK 1. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
  2. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt....
• No matter how you slice it, it's still a golf ball.
• Speed costs money. How fast do you want to go?
• Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast?
  I just got laid a minute ago!...
• The Wrong Answer Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin.
  An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager....
• HOW GUYS THINK By Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist From The Boston Sunday Globe
  August 20, 1989 Today we're going to explore the mysterious topic of How Guys Think, which has baffled women in general, and the editors of Cosmopolitan magazine in particular, for thousands of years....
• My favorite answer to 'Were you sleeping?' is "That's okay, I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.