Related:

• The Wizard of Zone Once upon a time in Depression-era Kansas there was a little black boy named Zachary X (pronounced "ex" not "ten") who lived on a farm.
  He was an orphan, a cheap device to garner your sympathy....
• Paddy heard that a fortune could be made by working as a lumberjack in Canada.
  So, off he goes. After some weeks, he arrives at a lumberjack-camp and asks the foreman for a job....
• LIFE IN THE SLAW LANE by Kip Adotta It was Cucumber the Fi
  Summer was over. I had just spinached a long day and I was busheled....
• You have to read the whole thing: The following is from a 1950's Home Economics textbook intended for the High School girls, teaching how to prepare for married life.
  1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time....
• Aphorisms: ***** Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
  Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either....
• A: I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
  B: Hmm, looks like you'll get world peace first....
• Kids On Marriage (Answers by kids age 8-10) HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
  You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff....
• There men died and went to hell. Satan met them at the gates and said, "All three of you weren't bad enough to go straight to Hell, so you get another chance.
  If you can tell me something I can't do you can go to Heaven....
• I think Santa Claus is a woman.... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
  Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!...