The DP manager died, went to heaven, and had to admit his profession.
St. Peter immediately sent him down to Hell ...
"Welcome," said the Duty Devil. "You have a choice of three Hells: an
IBM hell, a Unisys hell, and an ICL hell."
"What's the difference?" asked the cautious DP manager.
"Well," said the duty devil, "The IBM hell is 22 hours a day of trying
to compile a JCL pack for a 1401 program still running 25 years on,
under emulation on a 3990, followed by two hours of being nailed to a
cross and pelted with coal by IBM salesmen."
"The Unisys hell is 22 hours a day trying to understand communications
protocols based on a thinly disguised 1960s Exec 8 manual, followed by
two hours of being nailed to a cross and pelted with coal by Unisys
salesmen."
"The ICL hell is 22 hours a day of trying to convert a George 3 program
to run under ICLs current OS, whatever that is, followed by two hours of
being nailed to a cross and pelted with coal by ICL salesmen."
On hearing this, the DP manager looked worried. A passing Imp took pity
on him, and suggested that he try the ICL hell. Upon being asked to
explain, the Imp said,
"Well, they never learn in the ICL hell. By the time the salesman have
collected the wood to make the cross, found the hardware support
engineers and gotten them to nail the bits together, and then called out
for the coal, the two hours are almost always over."
St. Peter immediately sent him down to Hell ...
"Welcome," said the Duty Devil. "You have a choice of three Hells: an
IBM hell, a Unisys hell, and an ICL hell."
"What's the difference?" asked the cautious DP manager.
"Well," said the duty devil, "The IBM hell is 22 hours a day of trying
to compile a JCL pack for a 1401 program still running 25 years on,
under emulation on a 3990, followed by two hours of being nailed to a
cross and pelted with coal by IBM salesmen."
"The Unisys hell is 22 hours a day trying to understand communications
protocols based on a thinly disguised 1960s Exec 8 manual, followed by
two hours of being nailed to a cross and pelted with coal by Unisys
salesmen."
"The ICL hell is 22 hours a day of trying to convert a George 3 program
to run under ICLs current OS, whatever that is, followed by two hours of
being nailed to a cross and pelted with coal by ICL salesmen."
On hearing this, the DP manager looked worried. A passing Imp took pity
on him, and suggested that he try the ICL hell. Upon being asked to
explain, the Imp said,
"Well, they never learn in the ICL hell. By the time the salesman have
collected the wood to make the cross, found the hardware support
engineers and gotten them to nail the bits together, and then called out
for the coal, the two hours are almost always over."
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