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• Give me some chocolate and no one gets hurt!
• CHOCOLATE By John Scalzi Chocolate is God's way of reminding men how inadequate they are.
  I am vividly confronted with this fact every time my wife and I go out to a restaurant....
• How many animals can you find in a pair of pantyhose?
  10 little piggies, 1 ass, 2 calves, 1 pussy, 1000 hares, maybe some crabs, and one dead fish nobody can find ....
• Not a joke, but a humorous ditty I heard from some guys in an engineering fraternity (to the best of my recollection)
  I'll do it phonetically: ee to the ex dee ex, ee to the why dee why, sine x, cosine x, natural log of y, derivative on the left derivative on the right integrate, integrate, fight!...
• Barbie Barbie c/o Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CA 90245 November 7, 1997 Santa Claus North Pole, Dear Santa
  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!...
• During his visit to the US pope John Paul II had a meeting with a senator.
  The senator asked the pope, "Your Holiness, how do you find our country?...
• Three standard Peter Lax jokes (heard in his lectures)
  1. What's the contour integral around Western Europe?...
• Three standard Peter Lax jokes (heard in his lectures)
  1. What's the contour integral around Western Europe?...