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• IF 1. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  2. If a deaf person swears in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?...
• Some simple truths of life by George Carlin... 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
  2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....
• A mathematician, an engineer, and a computer scientist are vacationing together.
  They are riding in a car, enjoying the countryside, when suddenly the engine stops working....
• At a gas station, ASK ATTENDANT FOR HOSE.
• Thoughts Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.
  Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it....
• A Martian expedition came to Earth to observe humans.
  The alien spacecraft landed in the middle of the Arizona desert, infront of an old, abandoned gas station....
• The Cross-Examination... A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like thi
  Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?...
• You Know You're A Horse Person When... - You are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food.
  .. - You know you're a horse AND dog person when you don't mind throwing frozen manure balls for the barn's goldie to fetch!...
• Unknown You know you are no longer a kid when.. Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it any more.
  Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun....