To Be Tried On Acquaintances: You: "I Read A Poll The Other Day That Half Of All People Masturbate In The Shower, And The Other Half Sings.
To Be Tried On Acquaintances:
You: "I read a poll the other day that half of all people masturbate in
the shower, and the other half sings. Do you know what they sing?"
Their Standard Answer: "I don't know."
Your Witty Reply: "I was wondering why your hand was calloused."
"No wonder you need glasses ..."
Signs That You Are No Longer A Kid ** You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
** You can live without sex but not without glasses....
Here are some of my favorite jokes from the HBO special Jackie Mason On Broadway.
Keep in mind that Jackie is a former rabbi. His father and two brothers are also rabbis....
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
First Date Advice Things Not To Say On A First Date
1. "This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have to pay for it....
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to watmath!
looking!funny . Attribute the joke's source if at all possible....
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments....
You know you are getting old when: 1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals....
One Liners If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer....
A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.
The bartender says, "Oh come on, pal, we don't serve no gorillas in here....