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• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
• Answering machines. Nowadays almost everyone has one, complete with a snappymessage of their own device.
  Wait for the beep and then read on. This is a short adaptation of Simon Butler-White's and Clive Archer's "could-be" phone messages released in Australian Cleo, August 1989....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• beep, beep, beep> The number you have reached, Seven.
  Six. Seven. One. Two. Three. Four. [Use your number here....
• From Sourcebook Magazine, Summer 1990, by Dan Gutma
  Would the invention of the telephone ever have gotten off the ground if Alexander Graham Bell's first call had gone ....
• Computer Dictionary 386: No, 486: Oops, Pentium: The only chip to consider if you're thinking of buying a PC.
  Until Intel ramps up the 686. 640K: The salary the average Wall Street PC analyst pulls in each year....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• The message I currently have on my recorder is the output from my Amiga's speech sythesizer.
  It's set up as a dialog between two distict, but recognizably artificial voices....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....