Related:

• If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
  Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message....
• I'm home right now . . . I'm just screening my calls.
  So just start talking and if you're someone I want to speak to I'll pick up the phone....
• Voice Mail My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
  A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here....
• Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls.
  So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• YOU'RE PROBABLY A REDNECK IF .................... YOU'RE PROBABLY A REDNECK IF .
  ................... When you take your trash to the dump and you return home with more stuff than you left with....
• Satan comes down to visit a famous, utterly ruthless Hollywood producer.
  Satan says, "Look, I have a business proposition for you....
• Sorry Republicans, this one's no joke Dear Friends and relitives, This was sent to by the actor Peter Coyote.
  Its a letter from the film maker Michael Moore and I think it's a great effort....