Related:

• ALIEN ZOMBIE & THE CONGO LIZARDS You’re in luck. As my luck would have it, I made my bones in a musical family.
  Grandpop slapped ivories at the Congo, and Daddy-O moonlit his rocket ‘88 in the lizard lounges....
• Answering machines. Nowadays almost everyone has one, complete with a snappymessage of their own device.
  Wait for the beep and then read on. This is a short adaptation of Simon Butler-White's and Clive Archer's "could-be" phone messages released in Australian Cleo, August 1989....
• ENTER DATA, ENAMORATA Back into the fray. Thanks to all who sent along best wishes at the outset of my vacation.
  Now, as you rejoin the ranks and the column moves out into another fiscal front, let’s get those shoulders back, chests out, stomachs in and tongues in cheek....
• An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life
  Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild....
• Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds.
• LETTERS TO WELFARE For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a certain level.
  The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Departmentin applications for support of receiving payments....
• cars and driving --- For a while I didn't have a car.
  .. I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running....
• 125 Things Never To Say During Sex 1)is it in? 2)that's it?
  3)you've got to be kidding me. 4)(phone rings) hello?...