I once knew a medical man who loved frozen daiquiris. He was at a
bar one night drinking one when a piece of hickory-wood form the
ceiling fell into the glass. So I said that it was a hickory
A dentist was obsessed by dental floss! His obsession was so
great that he bought a roan horse to help him gather floss for
his growing collection. Another dentist became even more
compulsive and stole the horse!!, But the horse refused to help
the second dentist! Moral???
A stolen roan gathers no floss!
Do you mind if we dance wif yo dates....
Ditto this one:
"There are two sides to every divorce, mine and shitheads."
Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
Running over a baby.
What's grosser than gross?
Skidding on it.
What's grossest of all?
Peeling him off the tire.
How do you stop five blacks from raping a white girl?
Throw em a basketball.
I don't want to say her men are young, but
they keep leaving their mittens behind.
His girl friend is so young she has a Fisher-Price vibrator.
At a busy military airport awhile ago, a small, single-seat jet
fighter was taxiing along an access strip prior to take off when it
came to an intersection. Also approaching this intersection from the
left was a huge C-5A, one of those cargo planes that carries armored
battalions complete with equipment.
You may have noticed that very few of these intersections have
red-lights; the fighter pilot, quite sure of the consequences of a
collision, radioed to the control tower:
"What are the intentions of the C-5A?"
At this point the front cargo doors of the C-5A began to swing open,
and a deep voice came over the air: "I'm going to eat you . . ."
What is smorplay?
That's what Smurfs do before they smuck.
What is the definition of EGG HEAD
That's what Mrs. Dumpty gives Humty Dumpty!!!!!
I have been smoking EZReader docs!
Care to see my Texas Standing Spitting Worm Little Girl?
Here in my Box!
In this Aquarium... I just cam from the Pet Store!
Hey Woman Want some Wrinkled Neck Bass?
I just caught it at the River.
One girl to another: Hey look a One Eyed Spitting Snake!
The other Girl: Reminds me of when I was a little Girl.
Other Girl : Why?
Girl: Daddy Had one just like it!
Other Girl: Really and did it hang on a tree also?
Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence
Arriving home early one afternoon, a man
found his wife lying naked in the bedroom.
Gazing around, he spotted a pair of bare feet
protruding from under the curtains.
"Who the h**l are you?" he yelled as he
whipped the curtains back.
"I'm from the Government," replied the quick-witted
man. "I'm a moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing stark-naked?"
"Oh, my God!" he exclaimed, glancing down.
"I'm too late."
What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?
Lawyers accumulate frequent-flier points.
Mikhail Gorbachev woke up one morning feeling
great. He walked to his window, saw the sun
coming up and crowed, "Good morning, sun!"
As he turned away, he was startled to hear a
great, booming voice say, "Good morning, Comrade.
Good morning to you and the great Union
of Soviet Socialist Republics."
Gorbachev quickly woke Raisa and his closest
aides, took them to the window and said, "Good
morning, Comrade sun."
Again the voice boomed, "Good morning,
Comrade. Good morning to you and to the rest
of the glorious party."
Gorbachev sat down to his day's work, convinced
he was destiny's child. Later, as the sun was
setting, he walked to the window and said,
"Good evening to you, Comrade sun." When no
response came, he repeated the salutation again
and again, growing increasingly impatient with
the silence. "Sun! I'm talking to you!" he
"F**k you, a**h*le! the voice thundered back.
"I'm in the West now!"
What are three words you dread the most while making love?"
"Honey, I'm home."
On his honeymoon, an elderly man turned to
his young bride, complaining, "Darling, you're
gonna kill me. How can I tell if I'm having an
or**sm or a heart attack?"
"That's easy," she responded. "If you grab your
chest, it's a heart attack; if you grab mine, it's
You know you're having a bad day when the
town nymphomaniac tells you she likes you, but
just as a friend.
As the woman was instructing the new maid on
the great care required in handling certain
valuable household objects, she pointed to the
dining room and said with obvious satisfaction,
"That table goes back to Louis the Fourteenth."
"Oh, that's nothing," the maid interjected. "My
whole living-room set goes back to Sears the
An attractive woman walked into an elevator in
a Manhattan office building and found herself
alone with Donald Trump. As the elevator began
to rise, she turned to him and said, "You know,
Mr. Trump, if I push this red button, the elevator
will stop and I could kneel down and give you the
best d*mn b**w job you've ever had."
"I'm sure you could," trump said, "but what's in
it for me?"