Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving ....

A Native American woman is sitting on a moose hide. She has a son. He weighs

125 pounds. A second Native American woman is sitting on a buffalo hide. Her

son weighs 175 pounds. A third Native American woman is resting on top of the

hide of a hippopotamus. She weighs 300 pounds.

What theorem does this represent?

Answer: the Pythagorean theorem: the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to

the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

[A group of people are contemplating what to do with a pair

of PDP-8 computers]

"I wonder if they would float?"

"Well, they're smaller than Volkswagons, and those float."

...silence for a while...

"Rocks are smaller than Volkswagons, and rocks don't float."

Two math professors were in a bar:

PROF1: You know, every year, the students in my Calculus

100 class are getting dumber and dumber. It's

getting so that I can't even teach a lecture

without reviewing high school algebra.

PROF2: That's because you're an intellectual snob. I've

noticed the opposite. The students in my classes

are much more intelligent than when I started

teaching a decade ago.

PROF1: Hah! You must be joking. Listen, I've got to go

to the washroom, so we'll continue this discussion

later [gets up, goes to washroom]

PROF2: [Signals waitress to come over] Can you do me a favor?

WAITRESS: Depends on the favor.

PROF1: My friend is coming back from the washroom, and he'll

ask you a question. All you have to say is one-third

X cubed.

WAITRESS: One-third what?!

PROF1: One-third X cubed. Never mind what it mean, just say

One-third X cubed, OK?

WAITRESS: OK. [goes away]

PROF2: [returns] What were we talking about - oh yeah, people

are getting stupider and the days go by. I think it's

television or something that's doing this.

PROF1: That's simply not true. I'll bet you that that waitress

could answer one of your calculus exam questions.

PROF2: No way. You must be daft!

PROF1: Ten bucks says that she'll know what the integral of

X squared is.

PROF2: You're on! [mentions waitress over] Would you know

the integral of X squared is?

WAITRESS: One-third X cubed.

PROF2: [flabbergasted]

PROF1: See!

WAITRESS: ... plus a constant.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture

with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest

possible amount of fence. The engineer is first. He herds the sheep

into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, "A

circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the

best solution." The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of

infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around

the herd, declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around

the herd." The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little

thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "I

define myself to be on the outside!"

> While we are on the subject, here is another mathematical limerick which I have

> not seen lately:

> _

> 12 + 144 + 20 + 3 \/4 2

> --------------------- + 5*11 = 9 + 0

> 7

> which reads as:

> A dozen, a gross, and a score

> Plus three times the square root of four

> Divided by seven

> Plus five times eleven

> Is nine squared, and not a bit more.

It also can be read as:

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared, and a bit more.

^^^

cause a 0 is a bit, just as a 1. You know, the bits of a computer!!

110001011100101101100101110010011001100010011100111000101001001101

(does anyone know which decimal number here stands?)

- Two math professors were in a bar:
PROF1: You know, every year, the students in my Calculus
100 class are getting dumber and dumber.

It's getting so that I can't even teach a lecture without reviewing high school algebra.... - While we are on the subject, here is another mathematical limerick which I have
> not seen lately

> _ > 12 + 144 + 20 + 3 \/4 2 > --------------------- + 5*11 = 9 + 0 > 7 > which reads a... - An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture
with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest
possible amount of fence.

The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution.... - Two male mathematicians are in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very
little about basic mathematics.

The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.... - Two math professors are sitting in a pub.
"Isn't it disgusting", the first one complains, "how little the general public knows about mathematics?

"Well", his colleague replies, "you're perhaps a bit too pessimistic.... - Two male mathematiciens are in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little
about basic mathematics.

The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.... - Two male mathematiciens are in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little
about basic mathematics.

The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.... - Proof By Intimidation
----- -- ------------
A Horse has an infinite number of legs.

A horse has two legs in back and forelegs in front.... - The Wizard of Zone
Once upon a time in Depression-era Kansas there was a little
black boy named Zachary X (pronounced "ex" not "ten") who lived
on a farm.

He was an orphan, a cheap device to garner your sympathy....