M.A.D.D is the acronym for
Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving ....
A Native American woman is sitting on a moose hide. She has a son. He weighs
125 pounds. A second Native American woman is sitting on a buffalo hide. Her
son weighs 175 pounds. A third Native American woman is resting on top of the
hide of a hippopotamus. She weighs 300 pounds.
What theorem does this represent?
Answer: the Pythagorean theorem: the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to
the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.
[A group of people are contemplating what to do with a pair
of PDP-8 computers]
"I wonder if they would float?"
"Well, they're smaller than Volkswagons, and those float."
...silence for a while...
"Rocks are smaller than Volkswagons, and rocks don't float."
Two math professors were in a bar:
PROF1: You know, every year, the students in my Calculus
100 class are getting dumber and dumber. It's
getting so that I can't even teach a lecture
without reviewing high school algebra.
PROF2: That's because you're an intellectual snob. I've
noticed the opposite. The students in my classes
are much more intelligent than when I started
teaching a decade ago.
PROF1: Hah! You must be joking. Listen, I've got to go
to the washroom, so we'll continue this discussion
later [gets up, goes to washroom]
PROF2: [Signals waitress to come over] Can you do me a favor?
WAITRESS: Depends on the favor.
PROF1: My friend is coming back from the washroom, and he'll
ask you a question. All you have to say is one-third
WAITRESS: One-third what?!
PROF1: One-third X cubed. Never mind what it mean, just say
One-third X cubed, OK?
WAITRESS: OK. [goes away]
PROF2: [returns] What were we talking about - oh yeah, people
are getting stupider and the days go by. I think it's
television or something that's doing this.
PROF1: That's simply not true. I'll bet you that that waitress
could answer one of your calculus exam questions.
PROF2: No way. You must be daft!
PROF1: Ten bucks says that she'll know what the integral of
X squared is.
PROF2: You're on! [mentions waitress over] Would you know
the integral of X squared is?
WAITRESS: One-third X cubed.
WAITRESS: ... plus a constant.
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture
with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest
possible amount of fence. The engineer is first. He herds the sheep
into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, "A
circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the
best solution." The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of
infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around
the herd, declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around
the herd." The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little
thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "I
define myself to be on the outside!"
> While we are on the subject, here is another mathematical limerick which I have
> not seen lately: