A Group Of Psychiatrists Go To Tour An Insane Assylum That Is Reknowned For Their Progressive Rehabilitation Methods.

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A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane assylum that
is reknowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods.
They begin by visiting some of the patients.
The first patient they visit is a young woman. She is
practicing ballet.
One of the psychiatrist asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I'm studying ballet so when I get out of
here I can possibly join a troup and be a productive
member of society."
"Wow, that's wonderful."
The next person was a man reading a book with a pile of
books next to him.
The same question asked to him, "What are you doing?"
"I'm studying biology, chemestry, etc. So I can
enter medical school when I get out"
Room after room they witnessed the incredible success
and attitudes of the patients. Until they finally
reached a room the assylums director was reluctant to
open. Finally he was persuaded to open it.
Inside was a man balancing a peanut on his penis.
The reaction of the psychiatrist, "My God what are you
"I'm fucking nuts and I'm never getting out of here"

What is the difference between roast lamb and pea soup?
Anyone can roast lamb.

It was Johnny's turn for "Show & Tell". When the teacher asked him what he
brought, Johnny held up a Thermos. The teacher wasn't sure where this was
leading, but asked him why his Thermos was so special.
Well, Johnny had this story to tell..."In the Summer, you put in ice cubes &
lemonaide and it stays cold all day. In the Winter, you pour in hot soup and
it stays hot all day." After Johnny finished he had a smug look on his face.
The teacher, still not understanding asked Johnny why that was so special.
To which Johnny replied, "Think about it teach...how does it know?"

a man goes to a barber and starts lamenting about his receding hairline.
the barber, being an understanding man, says, 'you know, when you're
bald in the front, that's a sure sign that you're a thinker.'
the man feels better. then he remembers, 'hey, but i'm getting bald
on the top, too.'
the barber says, 'being bald on top means you're a lover.'
after a pause, the barber says, 'of course, if you're bald in the front
and the top, that means you think you're a lover.'

This guy goes to a school reunion. He's walking around and suddenly sees
his old roomate. He goes up to him and goes through the usual greetings.
Guy: "Hey Tom, how've you been? What are you doing now?"
Tom: "Well, I'm a professor of logic"
Guy: "What's that?"
Tom: "Let me give you an example. Do you like goldfish?"
Guy: "Yes."
Tom: "From that I can deduce that you like animals, right?"
Guy: "Yeah."
Tom: "Which means you like kids"
Guy: "Yup"
Tom: "Which means you like women, right?"
Guy: "Yes. That's cool that you can deduce all that."
The guy then sees another of his friends, Paul
Guy: "Hey Paul, guess who I just met"
Paul: "Who?"
Guy: "Tom! He's a professor of logic."
Paul: "Logic? What's that?"
Guy: "Well, let me give you an example. Do you like goldfish?"
Paul: "No."
Guy: "FAG!!!!!!!"

When I was back home in Connecticut over the weekend I read
a story in the Hartford Courant about probably the most stupid
robber in existence.
He held up a convenience store and made a clean getaway with the
cash. Unfortunately, he left his wallet on the counter.

So - this is a brief summary of Hinduism.
Once upon a time there were two sets of first cousins, the Pandavs and
the Kauravs. Their fathers, Dhritarastra and Pandu (rhymes with Gandu)
were brothers. Pandu was originally king. But he shot two deer while
they were fucking, and they cursed him to die the next time he reached
orgasm. Soon after, he died a happy man, and Dhritarastra was made king.
Dhritarastra's plan was to split the kingdom between his sons and those
of Pandu. But his eldest son, Evil Warrior, stole the Pandav's land
rights in a crooked game of Parcheesi. After wandering around the coun-
tryside for thirteen years, the Pandavs decided to get their kingdom
back. Evil Warrior refused them. Thus, there was war on the face of the
land, and God, in the form of a blue man with a frisbee and a flute,
personally participated, siding with the Pandavs, for whom he acted as
charioteer. His discourses with Arjun, the prince whose charioteer he
was, are legendary. These discourses, wherein God exhorts Arjun to slay
all his enemies (an entire battlefield of warriors) and enjoy his right-
fully earned kingdom, form the basis of the Bhagavad Gita, the holiest
book in Hinduism.