How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Soviet emigres aren't afraid to sit in the dark.
One, and a lot of light bulbs.
Two. One to hold the bulb, one to drink vodka until the room spins.
Three. One to force the bulb in with a hammer, one to steal more bulbs,
one to ask NYANA for a bigger hammer.
Four. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb, two to lift the chair by
its legs, one to call an American and to ask which way to turn the chair.