HOW TO FIGURE OUT IF YOU ARE REALLY A REDNECK:
** You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
** You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
** The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
** You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
** You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
** You come back from the dump with more than you took.
** Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
** Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
** You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
** You've hit on somebody in a VD clinic.
** Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
** You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
** Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
** A tornado hits your neighborhood and does over $100,000 worth of
improvements.
** You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"
** You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
** Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take
them out to see what it is.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
