You've ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You burn your front yard instead of mow it.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
When describing your kids, you use the phrase "dumb as a brick."
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
You've ever given rat traps as a gift.
You always answer the front door with a baseball bat in your hand.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've never paid for a haircut.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
The taillight covers on your car are made of tape.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You have every episode of "Hee-Haw" on tape.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to "Show & Tell."
You've ever bought a used cap.
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You can entertain yourself for more than 1 hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
Your baby's favorite teething ring is a garden hose.
Your pocket knife has ever been refered to as "Exhibit A."
Your wife ever burned out an electric razor.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
Your Xmas cards include a Xerox copy of your butt.
Your bumper stick says "My other car is a combine."
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
You list your parole officer as a reference.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
How To Tell If You Might Be A "High-Tech" Redneck
If your e-mail address ends in ". over.yonder.com"
If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"
If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a
laptop"
If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and
Wesson"
If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a
cellular phone....
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
