If Operating Systems Were Like Beers...
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an
8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8
compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be
discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after
it's no longer available.
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered
by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one
from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If
you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to
know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac
Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you
to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink
a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the
Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of
Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Windows 95 Beer:
Not many have bought it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and
claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes
more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look
inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably
keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends who try Windows 95 Beer,
say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print,
has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the
manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes
most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks
just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to
look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts shipping.
Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim
that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops
break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener
around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of
instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.