Men, Translated "I'm Going Fishing." Really Means: "I'm Going To Drink Myself Dangerously Stupid And Stand By A Stream With A Stick In My Hand, While The Fish Swim By In Complete Safety.

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Men, Translated
"I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a
stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and
you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works.
"We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
"What did I do this time?"
Really means: "What did you catch me at?"
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be
"You look terrific."
Really means: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."