"No, really, I'm OK to drive."
--I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going
"I'm not used to these darts."
--I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this
"Lets go out to my car and get some cigarettes." (male to female)
---You would look great face down in my lap.
"You get this one, next round is on me."
--We won't be here long enough to get another round.
"I'll get this one, next one is on you.
--Happy hour is about to end....now drafts are a dollar, but by the next
round they'll be $4.50 a pop.
"I haven't seen you around here for a long time."
--You stuck up little bitch, too good for your old friends??
"Hey, where is that friend of yours?"
--I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your
attractive friend into a compromising position.
"Lets get out of here."
--I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy's helmet.
"Can I get a glass of white zinfandel?" (female)
"Can I get a glass of white zinfandel?" (male)
"Ever try a body shot?" (male to female)
--I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
"Ever try a body shot?" (female to male)
--If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the
"I don't feel well, lets go home." (female)
--You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
"I don't feel well, lets go home." (male)
"I've had like 10 beers already."
--I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.
"Who's got the next round?"
--I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at
"Excuse Me." (male to male)
--Get the f*** out of the way.
"Excuse Me." (male to female)
--I am going to grope you now.
"Excuse Me." (female to male)
--Don't even think about groping me, just get the f*** out of the way.
"Excuse Me." (female to female)
--Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that,
missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing
like a ho...Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, like the slut you
"I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning."
--I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have been
avoiding him since football season.
"What do you have on tap?"
"Can I have a white Russian?" (male)
--I'm really gay.
"Can I have a white Russian?" (female)
--I'm really easy.
"You go ahead, I'll catch a cab"
--I already lined up a ride home with your "ex".
"That person looks really familiar."
--Did I sleep with him/her?
"Can I just get a glass of water?" (female)
--I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.
"Can I just get a glass of water?" (male)
--It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking 1/2 hour ago. Hell, I probably
dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, it is the least you can do
"Do you have any Wild Turkey?"
--I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the
"I don't have my ID on me." (female)
"I don't have my ID on me." (male)
--I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a..4.0 after my
last visit here.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...