COMPUTER TERMS For REDNECKS: BACKUP -- What You Do When You Run Across A Skunk In The Woods.

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BACKUP -- What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
BAR CODE -- Them's the fight'n rules down to the local tavern.
BUG -- The reason you give for calling in sick.
BYTE -- What your pitbull dun to cusin Jethro.
CACHE -- Needed when you run out of food stamps.
CHIP -- Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
CRASH -- When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
DIGITAL -- The art of counting on your fingers.
DISKETTE -- Female Disco dancer.
FAX -- What you lie about to the Revenooers.
HACKER -- Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
HARDCOPY -- Picture looked at when selecting tatoos.
INTERNET -- Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
KEYBOARD -- Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
MAC -- Big Bubba's favorite food.
MEGAHERTZ -- How your head feels after 17 beers.
MODEM -- What ya do when the grass gits too high.
MOUSE PAD -- Where Mickey and Minnie live.
NETWORK -- Scoop'n up a big fish afore it breaks the line.
ONLINE -- Where to stay while taking the sobriety test.
SCREEN -- Helps keep the skeeters offa the porch.
SERIAL PORT -- A red wine you drink with breakfast.
SUPERCONDUCTOR -- Amtrak's Employee of the Year
SCSI -- What you call your week-old underwear.
TERMINAL -- Time to call the undertaker.

The Vermonter's Guide to Computer Lingo

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not carefull downloadin' (watch th' toes!)
Floppy Disk: Whacha get from pilin' too much firewood.
Disk Operating System: The equipment the Doc uses when you have a
RAM: The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
Hard Drive: Gettin' home in mud season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in mud season.
Windows: What to shut when it's 30 below.
Screen: What you need for black fly season.
Byte: What black flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.
Infrared: Where the left-over's go when Fred's around.
Modem: What you did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: John Matrix's wife.
Printer: Someone who can't write in cursive.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy
Keyboard: Where you hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
486: One of them fancy imported cars.
Mouse: What eats the horses' grain in the barn.
Main Frame: The part of the barn that holds the roof up.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in!
Random Access Memory: You can't remember how much that new rifle cost when

your wife asks.
Digital: Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.
Apple: If you don't know, I ain't tellin'.
Program: What's on TV when there's reception.
CD ROM: The furrnier at the bank that sells retirement accounts.
DIN: The noise at the barn dance.
Laser: Someone less ambitious than you.
Line In: Whatcha do when you go fishin' or whacha dry yer laundry