YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT COMPUTERS...
If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95.
When your modem starts smoking.
If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online.
If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work.
If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
If you can type your top 10 favorite Web URLs, by heart.
If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine.
If you can write your own html page.
If you can access more than 50 erotic no-pay sites.
If you download more than 20Mb of from a binary newsgroup, in one
session.
If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look
at a photograph.
You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be
enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on
the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate URLs.
When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for
File/Save command.
When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on
the dashboard of your car, to make it go.
When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your system
administrator.
When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service
Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
When you start using phrases like:
Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home
If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and
receive a "pending disconnection of service" notice.
When you order most of what you buy... online.
If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually
met; except through e-mail.
When you log-off from a session in your favorite newsgroup... and
your log reads: Online time: 56 hours 24 minutes.
If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're
exceeding 300 hours a month, connect time.
When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.
You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother
Bill's sermon.
When your 112Gb hard drive is full.
If 233 Mhz is simply too slow.
When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer
peripherals.
If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the
engine is running.
When you discover that in order to drive your car somewhere, you do
not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.
If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car - and
understand what they say.
When you modify the programming of your car's computers and
actually get better mileage.
When you can access the Net - via your portable and cellular phone.
If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone
in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect
it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
When you put a CD-ROM in your car's player.
When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very
disappointed to find it's on TV.
If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."
If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of
envelopes.
If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" - for the 63rd time.
If magazines like "InternetWorld" are of greater interest than
"Playboy" or "Playgirl".
If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
If you use more than 20 passwords.
If you set up your own Web page.... using Notepad!
If you set up a Web page for each of your kids... and your pets.
If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail
address.
If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.
If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online.
If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail
is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges.
If you can write a list like this.
If you can relate to a list like this.
copyright JokeMaster, 1995
If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95.
When your modem starts smoking.
If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online.
If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work.
If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
If you can type your top 10 favorite Web URLs, by heart.
If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine.
If you can write your own html page.
If you can access more than 50 erotic no-pay sites.
If you download more than 20Mb of from a binary newsgroup, in one
session.
If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look
at a photograph.
You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be
enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on
the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate URLs.
When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for
File/Save command.
When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on
the dashboard of your car, to make it go.
When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your system
administrator.
When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service
Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
When you start using phrases like:
Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home
If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and
receive a "pending disconnection of service" notice.
When you order most of what you buy... online.
If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually
met; except through e-mail.
When you log-off from a session in your favorite newsgroup... and
your log reads: Online time: 56 hours 24 minutes.
If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're
exceeding 300 hours a month, connect time.
When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.
You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother
Bill's sermon.
When your 112Gb hard drive is full.
If 233 Mhz is simply too slow.
When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer
peripherals.
If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the
engine is running.
When you discover that in order to drive your car somewhere, you do
not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.
If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car - and
understand what they say.
When you modify the programming of your car's computers and
actually get better mileage.
When you can access the Net - via your portable and cellular phone.
If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone
in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect
it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
When you put a CD-ROM in your car's player.
When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very
disappointed to find it's on TV.
If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."
If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of
envelopes.
If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" - for the 63rd time.
If magazines like "InternetWorld" are of greater interest than
"Playboy" or "Playgirl".
If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
If you use more than 20 passwords.
If you set up your own Web page.... using Notepad!
If you set up a Web page for each of your kids... and your pets.
If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail
address.
If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.
If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online.
If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail
is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges.
If you can write a list like this.
If you can relate to a list like this.
copyright JokeMaster, 1995
Related:
- YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF...
A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna
on the radio in your work area for better reception
All your sentences begin with "what if"
At Christma
it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma Dilbert is your hero Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel People groan at the party when you pick out the music The blinking 12... - You Know You've Been Online Too Long When...
** Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
** When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point.... - You May Be a Geek if.....You...
1. Have e-mail addresses on more than 3 servers.
2. For fun you think up funny domain names. (My favorite is "www.... - E-mail Junkie
You know you're an E-mail Junkie if
1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
< -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?... - Announcing the:
1988
REC.
HUMOR.FUNNY Computer Network Humour Annual I often get requests for back-jokes out of rec.... - YOU KNOW YOU NEED AN UPGRADE...
when Microsoft tech support picks up the phone before
Windows 95 finishes booting
when you call tech support and they say your version of software
has been obsolete for 5 years
when that bright idea you had of pounding a 3-1/4" disk thin so
it'll fit in the 5-1/4" slot didn't quite work
when the bad blocks on your disk outnumber the good ones
if your PC is big enough to use as an end table
if it's so old that you can't even find a nonprofit organization
that will take it as a donation
when you can no longer find those special metallic cassette tapes
when everyone's raving about hooking their computers up to the
television and you'd never used any other kind of monitor
hey
I'm NOT upgrading my VIC 20, OK?!!! when your calculator has more RAM than your computer when your watch has more RAM than your computer when you realize that they don't use tapes anymore when it takes a Chevy pickup to haul your disk drive away when you're getting bored of those stupid Atari games like Frogger when your computer doesn't give you "nice" system errors like "Bad Command or file name" and instead formats your hard drive when you're getting tired of typing in ones and zeros when your abacus gets termites when "Solitaire" only has enough memory to use half the deck when you get the error message "Don't open so many goddam Windows at once!... - 100 reasons why it's great to be a girl
1. free dinners
2.
free lunches 3. free brunches 4. free movies (you get the point) 5.... - 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate
1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate
eats meat.
Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
