10. Light-colored, loose-fitting hooded sweatshirts
9. If you're having trouble lighting the barbecue, try Napalm
8. Many resorts offer fabulous "troubled loner discount packages"
7. Next to your 10 by 12 foot shack, build a 1 by 2 foot guest
6. Join your dog for a refreshing flea dip
5. For an extra kick, fill water balloons with nitroglycerine
4. Make your own sunscreen out of swamp water and rabbit entrails *
3. Go to beach, make clumsy passes at women, get turned down, plot
2. Properly placed charges can make any rental car a convertible
1. Get wacky new bumper sticker: "Unabombers Do It With a Bang"
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